Saturday, 28 June 2014

Make-up and school

WARNING: This blog may contain a lot of rambling and waffling on and on.

MAKE-UP IS SO CONFUSING! At the moment I just can't seem to get the hang of picking the right shades and how to use certain products and what will suit me. It is a bit scary but I need to learn because I am turning 19 this year and I am off to University in September. I know the basics like how to apply foundation, eyeliner and mascara etc. I have a few lipsticks also, but I can't do the other stuff like contouring, applying eyeshadow without looking like a clown, apply lipliner :/  Now that I am 18 I want to start exploring the make-up world. I started wearing make-up when I was 15 years old but that was only eyeliner because I have big round eyes and I needed to find a way to "define" them. I was also not allowed to wear make-up - even eyeliner - so I used to quickly take it off before I got home or I would try to get home as fast as I could and wipe it off but still my mum would notice. 

Once I started Sixth Form - when I was 16 - I was allowed to wear make-up but my mum said I was not allowed to wear too much or a full face of makeup. That was fine because I found girls who covered every inch of their face in make-up with layer upon layer of foundation, just looked totally ridiculous and I felt a little bit sad for them as they probably felt the need to cover themselves up to be themselves. Or maybe there are just masking themselves behind the make-up? But hey they were the girls who tended to dislike me so I guess they were sort of jealous that I was able to walk around anywhere without make-up or with minimal make-up. I know that may come across as cockey and self-centred but looking back retrospectively I think that was the reason why they used to say mean stuff about me. Obviously not all girls were mean to be but the "popular" or "plastic" girls and boys sometimes called me "ugly" and made reference to my big eyes, whereas some lovely people used to compliment my eyes which made me feel good about them. I think those mean girls just wished they had my eyes because when I used to see them in school and in town they used to wear eyeliner and fake eyelashes to make their eyes seem bigger - oh the irony! Now I can walk in to school without the need or urge to apply make-up even eyeliner so I guessed what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in some ways. I realised that I had to look at the bigger picture. I was being so picky but then again I was only 15 years old and I was going through a tough time at home and school so I was feeling a little rubbish about myself. But there are people who wished they could see or they wished that they had eyes! I know it sounds extreme but unfortunately there are people out there who are in those situations. I learnt how to be more grateful and love myself a little more because that is the only way that you will happy with yourself - accept the way you are and things will just become easier. I have fabulous friends  and I no longer cared about the those comments or acknowledged them mean boys and girls. I have not got the time to think about them anymore. I also believe that it is important that we all should go through a rough time at school - never bullying - I just mean small situations where your strength is tested or a situation like breaking up with your best friend where we learn a lot about ourselves. I learnt not to care about what others think about my face and also my height - I had an early growth spurt and was also called "lanky". I learnt to become resilient and "hard" in a way because I was able to take negative comments without feeling rubbish and upset because those are not facts. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Plus I could easily pointed out their flaws, imperfections and things that I thought made them ugly but I didn't because I see no point in doing so. School is such a small part of our lives so getting boys to be attracted to me and getting everyone to accept me was not and it is still not on my agenda for life. 

I have nothing high-end from MAC or Nars but I have built up a nice collection of high-street or drugstore makeup which haven't cost that much. I have always been a big fan of eyeliner because of my big eyes so you will always find that in my collection although I still haven't tried the gel liners yet! I continue to expand my make-up collection but I don't wear because I feel I need to, I wear make-up because I enjoy it and i find it fun. I wear it sometimes if I want to make an effort or if I just feel like it. I don't cake my face in foundation or anything. I wear minimal amounts but I am NOT saying that if you wear lots of make-up, you are jealous or anything negative etc. I am saying that for me make-up is something I wish to wear on occasions - essentially I perceive make-up differently. I hope this blog post did not offend anyone I just wanted to let you know that school can be a tough time for girls and we all have different ways of dealing with stuff. I have never been the girl who wanted all the attention on me or anything but that doesn't mean that there were not times that I wanted more attention from people. School is tough for some, and I did not have it the hardest or easiest because I loved my school experience.

A religious quote that helps is without fear, without hate. I don't fear anybody and their opinions and I don't hate anyone, I just simply do not care.


Sunday, 22 June 2014

A Confuzzled Student?

I, unlike my older siblings and cousins, was very indecisive when it came to choosing my career and what not. They all knew what they wanted to do in the future by the age of 16 however I still did not know what I wanted to study by the age of 18. It is slightly harder when you have family members pressuring you with their suggestions and pressure to pluck a career out of the thin air and work hard towards that career for years. It is even more annoying when you are considered as the "Geek" or "Nerdy" student in some of your classes and how they seemed to think that I will become the world's smartest lawyer or doctor or something. You could be the smartest person in the country but that does not mean that you will pursue something academic or even go to university. Truthfully I am not the smartest person, I just had a good work ethic and I have failed pieces of work even after spending some much time on it. 

Anyway even when year 12 had ended, I had not decided what I wanted to do at University. I knew what A-Levels I wanted to do however I had no idea what I wanted to study at University. Most of my friends knew and my other friends were not going to uni at all so I felt a bit abnormal and left out in some ways. I have always known that I wanted to go to uni. But that was the most frustrating part because that is the main reason why people go to uni obviously - to study. So during year 12 I attended as many open days I could possibly go to and did loads of research in to courses that I thought was intriguing like Criminology, History, Psychology and Ecomonics. Yet you have probably guessed it that none of them appealed to me. 

One day towards the end of year 12, I was in lesson with my friend who was looking to study Law, she asked what course I was going to study at uni. I told her that I did not know and that I was worried. She said that she thought I was studying Law and in a weird and sort of dramatic way it hit me! LAW! I loved debates, looking for evidence and flaws in other people's arguments. I was quite a self-disciplined student who had a strong work ethic (don't mean to be rude and arrogant by any means!) I asked one of the teachers that I got along with very well to be my reference writer and throughout the summer holidays I did tonnes of reseacrh in to Law and I honestly felt like this is what I wanted to study at University. It was not simple as that don't get me wrong, I did so much research and I still was not 100% sure but I had a good feeling about it and sometimes that's all you are left with at the end of the day. My school did not offer Law and an A-Level so I did not have a "taster" but I attended a lot of uni open days after my AS exams and went to the Law departments specifically. Thankfully my AS results were pretty decent so there was a chance that I would get in to a good University - not Oxbridge though.

Now year 13 has passed - the most stressful year I have ever had - I do not know how to feel. I have done all my exams and I have finished my time at school now. I tried my best and  I know I am my own worst enemy because I look back at times and wished I tried harder at my exams. I am anxious about results day and getting in to the university I really want to go to! I am sitting at home doing nothing most days, looking for a job and trying to write more blog posts. Next month I will be undertaking work experience in Central London which I am hugely grateful for! I was able to get it through family connections which I might write a blog post about. Back to my point, I am going to try and spend time with people that I love and care about because I have plenty of time on my hands. I receently went to Birmingham for a night out with my cousin and her friends which gave me a taster of university nightlife. 

School has been at the centre of my life since I was born. I feel passionate about it and I enjoy it. I don't feel ashamed to say that because I do. It feels weird that I have finished school even though I am going uni. Uni is completely different though. I just want to use my time wisely which is easier said than done. I am going to try and write more blog posts about things and life. I want to write more meaningful blogs very soon because I find it theraputic. 

I have no idea how to end this oh well x

Monday, 16 June 2014


I have completed all my A Level exams and now I have officially finished school! This is maddening but I am exhausted so in many ways I am glad that it is over. However I know I will miss it. Currently I am just resting but this means from now on I have nothing to do. I will coming in to school to help with events and give some of my lovely teachers thank-you cards and presents because they have really pushed me this year and helped me through everything. 

I have thought about looking for a job, but there are some issues. I will be undertaking work experience soon in Central London this summer and I have not recieved the dates yet so I do not want to get a job to then find out that I need a week or two off! I am aware that after July there won't be many jobs left because they will have already been filled but I am sure that I will find something to do. As I am going to study Law at University I can use utilise my spare time by travelling to London and watching court cases. I know that I could do that in other cities including the city that I am from, but it is more fun to travel and I know London quite well. Well I know how to get around efficiently thanks to a tube app - it's literally a lifesaver! So if I am unable to get a job, which will probably be the case then I shall spend my time wisely. I would not mind volunteering in the summer but I know that's when most people volunteer as well and your application can get rejected. 

I am very excited about the future. My school life has been pretty good but like most students they find that school can be a PAIN IN THE A***! One time I was being picked on/ bullied by an older girl in my form and I ended up on this report-thing for swearing at her because she made me feel so bad about myself and I was only 14. Also because there was "no proof" that she was bullying, she got away with it and I was punished for being upset. When I started sixth form there was some struggles but they soon went away. I found a new group of friends that are awesome. Although it was very stressful, sixth form was the best period of my life so far. I was treated with respect and the teachers are more relaxed in sixth form. Of course I had to call them "Sir" or "Miss" and so on, but I could talk to them informally and joke around with them. I could sit and talk to them about anything and they could related. I have never experienced that before as I only liked a few teachers when I was doing my GCSEs. There was more independence, apart from this last year where the sixth formers lost their study leave and that sucked so badly. 

Soon prom is coming up (a few days actually). I am dressing a bit formally because I did not want to purchase another gown. I bought a gown/informal kind of dress for my year 11 prom but this prom I wanted a formal dress that I could wear again at University when on a night out. And now that most of us in year 13 are 18 we are going out in to town after so I wanted something appropriate for that. We are literally in town for our prom so that is great but prom is on a gay night out, which I am cool with :) But the teachers have to still work after prom because prom is on a tuesday so they have the week to get through after. 

Aaaand that's about it x