Saturday, 28 June 2014

Make-up and school

WARNING: This blog may contain a lot of rambling and waffling on and on.

MAKE-UP IS SO CONFUSING! At the moment I just can't seem to get the hang of picking the right shades and how to use certain products and what will suit me. It is a bit scary but I need to learn because I am turning 19 this year and I am off to University in September. I know the basics like how to apply foundation, eyeliner and mascara etc. I have a few lipsticks also, but I can't do the other stuff like contouring, applying eyeshadow without looking like a clown, apply lipliner :/  Now that I am 18 I want to start exploring the make-up world. I started wearing make-up when I was 15 years old but that was only eyeliner because I have big round eyes and I needed to find a way to "define" them. I was also not allowed to wear make-up - even eyeliner - so I used to quickly take it off before I got home or I would try to get home as fast as I could and wipe it off but still my mum would notice. 

Once I started Sixth Form - when I was 16 - I was allowed to wear make-up but my mum said I was not allowed to wear too much or a full face of makeup. That was fine because I found girls who covered every inch of their face in make-up with layer upon layer of foundation, just looked totally ridiculous and I felt a little bit sad for them as they probably felt the need to cover themselves up to be themselves. Or maybe there are just masking themselves behind the make-up? But hey they were the girls who tended to dislike me so I guess they were sort of jealous that I was able to walk around anywhere without make-up or with minimal make-up. I know that may come across as cockey and self-centred but looking back retrospectively I think that was the reason why they used to say mean stuff about me. Obviously not all girls were mean to be but the "popular" or "plastic" girls and boys sometimes called me "ugly" and made reference to my big eyes, whereas some lovely people used to compliment my eyes which made me feel good about them. I think those mean girls just wished they had my eyes because when I used to see them in school and in town they used to wear eyeliner and fake eyelashes to make their eyes seem bigger - oh the irony! Now I can walk in to school without the need or urge to apply make-up even eyeliner so I guessed what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in some ways. I realised that I had to look at the bigger picture. I was being so picky but then again I was only 15 years old and I was going through a tough time at home and school so I was feeling a little rubbish about myself. But there are people who wished they could see or they wished that they had eyes! I know it sounds extreme but unfortunately there are people out there who are in those situations. I learnt how to be more grateful and love myself a little more because that is the only way that you will happy with yourself - accept the way you are and things will just become easier. I have fabulous friends  and I no longer cared about the those comments or acknowledged them mean boys and girls. I have not got the time to think about them anymore. I also believe that it is important that we all should go through a rough time at school - never bullying - I just mean small situations where your strength is tested or a situation like breaking up with your best friend where we learn a lot about ourselves. I learnt not to care about what others think about my face and also my height - I had an early growth spurt and was also called "lanky". I learnt to become resilient and "hard" in a way because I was able to take negative comments without feeling rubbish and upset because those are not facts. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Plus I could easily pointed out their flaws, imperfections and things that I thought made them ugly but I didn't because I see no point in doing so. School is such a small part of our lives so getting boys to be attracted to me and getting everyone to accept me was not and it is still not on my agenda for life. 

I have nothing high-end from MAC or Nars but I have built up a nice collection of high-street or drugstore makeup which haven't cost that much. I have always been a big fan of eyeliner because of my big eyes so you will always find that in my collection although I still haven't tried the gel liners yet! I continue to expand my make-up collection but I don't wear because I feel I need to, I wear make-up because I enjoy it and i find it fun. I wear it sometimes if I want to make an effort or if I just feel like it. I don't cake my face in foundation or anything. I wear minimal amounts but I am NOT saying that if you wear lots of make-up, you are jealous or anything negative etc. I am saying that for me make-up is something I wish to wear on occasions - essentially I perceive make-up differently. I hope this blog post did not offend anyone I just wanted to let you know that school can be a tough time for girls and we all have different ways of dealing with stuff. I have never been the girl who wanted all the attention on me or anything but that doesn't mean that there were not times that I wanted more attention from people. School is tough for some, and I did not have it the hardest or easiest because I loved my school experience.

A religious quote that helps is without fear, without hate. I don't fear anybody and their opinions and I don't hate anyone, I just simply do not care.